Mr. Knightley's Diary Read online

  'Well, if he should have nothing else to recommend him, he will be a treasure at Highbury,' she said mischievously. 'We do not often look upon fine young men, well-bred and agreeable. We must not be nice and ask for all the virtues into the bargain.'

  'If I find him conversable, I shall be glad of his acquaintance,' I remarked disdainfully, 'but if he is only a chattering coxcomb, he will not occupy much of my time or thoughts.'

  'My idea of him is, that he can adapt his conversation to the taste of everybody, and has the power as well as the wish of being universally agreeable.'

  'And mine is, that if he turn out anything like it, he will be the most insufferable fellow breathing!' I said irascibly.

  'I will say no more about him,' cried Emma, 'you turn everything to evil. We are both prejudiced; you against, I for him; and we have no chance of agreeing 'til he is really here.'

  'Prejudiced! I am not prejudiced,' I exclaimed, although I knew, even as I said it, that I was.

  'But I am very much, and without being at all ashamed of it,' she said. 'My love for Mr and Mrs Weston gives me a decided prejudice in his favour.'

  'He is a person I never think of from one month's end to another,' I remarked with vexation.

  But, in fact, I did not speak the truth. For some reason, I have taken a dislike to Frank Churchill, and I do not want Emma to like him, either.

  It is a good thing Churchill has put off his visit. I find myself wishing he might never come to Highbury at all.

  Tuesday 5 January

  There was a discrepancy in the accounts, and it took me all afternoon to trace it and correct it, so I was glad to go to my whist club this evening. It was an escape from the irritations at Hartfield and the annoyances at the Abbey.

  Once there, I found that a new subject of conversation had arisen, and one that had thankfully put Frank Churchill out of everyone's mind.

  'This is good news,' said Otway, when I entered the Crown. 'Jane Fairfax is to visit her aunt and grandmother. I have not seen Miss Fairfax for years. A taking little thing she was, when she was a girl. She will be a young woman now, of an age with Miss Woodhouse.'

  'It will be good for the two of them to have each other. Mrs Weston is very pleased,' said Weston.

  'And so am I,' I said. At last, Emma will have some refined company. After the disappointments of recent weeks, I hope she will value it for what it is worth. And I...perhaps I will find what I have been looking for. 'Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see Miss Fairfax and Emma become friends.'

  'It's a sad situation,' said Cole. 'Poor girl. It was very good of Colonel Campbell to raise her when her parents died--'

  'A lot of men would have conveniently forgotten that Jane's father had saved their life,' agreed Weston.

  '--or regarded it as a duty to do something for the infant, making a contribution to their upkeep, perhaps, but nothing more,' said Cole. 'But not Colonel Campbell.'

  'I suppose he thought he might as well take her in, having a girl of his own. It gave both children a playmate, his daughter being an only child.'

  'I dare say that played its part, but it was still good of him to give Jane a home and all the benefits of an education.'

  'Something her aunt could not have afforded,' agreed Weston.

  'But it is a double-edged kindness,' I said. 'Now that Miss Fairfax is a woman, she has to earn a living. It will not be easy for her to move from a world in which she has had a great deal of pleasure, to one in which she will be little better than a servant.'

  'I would like to help her, but what can we do?' asked Cole.

  'Nothing but make her welcome in Highbury, where we can show her the attentions she deserves, and make her feel that here there will always be a place for her,' said Weston.

  As he spoke, I thought that I might be able to do something more.

  Tuesday 12 January

  Business brought me to town, and after it was concluded, I dined with my friend Routledge at the club.

  'What news from Highbury?' he asked.

  I began by telling him about the Abbey and the farms, and then we talked of my neighbours. I told him about Mr Longridge and Mrs Lovage.

  'Mrs Lovage?' he asked.

  'She is Graham's sister, and she has been to stay with him several times.'

  'Does her husband not object?' he asked. 'He seems to be unusually compliant if he allows her to stay with her brother so often--unless, of course, he goes, too?'

  'She is a widow.'

  'Ah, I see. It is a recent bereavement? Is that why she stays so often with her brother? She is in need of consolation, I suppose.'

  'Not so very recent. Her husband has been dead for five years. She stays with her brother because she enjoys his company, not because she is grieving.'

  'I see. She is old, I take it? Graham must be thirty-five, so his sister is about forty, I collect, with several children?'

  'Forty!' I said. 'She is no such thing. She is his younger sister, and cannot be more than seven-or eight-and-twenty. As for children, I have never heard them mentioned.'

  'I believe you said she was ugly?'

  'No, she is rather beautiful,' I remarked. 'In fact, she is very beautiful.'

  'And?'

  'And what?'

  'And, if she is a young and beautiful widow, who is the sister of your friend, have you not thought of marrying her?' he asked.

  'Yes,' I admitted. 'I have. But I could not bring myself to think of her in that way. She would always be wanting to go to Brighton, or Bath, or London, or Weymouth, and I like to spend my time in Highbury.'

  'That is the worst reason for not marrying a woman I have ever come across! You surprise me, Knightley. I did not think you would be so easily defeated. Surely some agreement could be reached?'

  'If I loved her, yes. But I have no feelings for her. I did not miss her when she returned to Bath for a spell and that told me that she was not important to me.'

  'Why should you, indeed? You had plenty to do. You could not be expected to pine for her like a lovesick schoolboy.'

  'I was never a lovesick schoolboy. The notion of love, in my youth, struck me as ridiculous, but I always miss Emma when I am away from Highbury, no matter how much I have to do.'

  'Do you?' he asked thoughtfully.

  'Yes, I do. I often resent an evening spent in London, because I cannot walk over to Hartfield after dinner and discuss the day's news.'

  'And is there no one else you have seen who might interest you? No woman who has caught your fancy, or entertained you, or intrigued you?'

  'My brother has introduced me to several young ladies, but the idea of an evening with one of them is not as enticing to me as the idea of five minutes with Emma,' I said shortly.

  'And have you met no great beauties?'

  'A few. But I prefer to look at Emma.'

  'And what does all this tell you?' he asked me,

  'That I have not yet met the right woman, and that there is no use my marrying unless I find someone I like as well as Emma,' I said.

  He laughed, though I did not know why. There was nothing very amusing in what I had said.

  'I have a feeling you will be married before the year is out,' he told me.

  I could not agree with him, but for the sake of peace I did not contradict him and our conversation moved on to other things.

  Friday 15 January

  I returned home from London, and spent the evening at Hartfield. I enjoyed myself so thoroughly that I was convinced I would be foolish to exchange such company for something less agreeable. I would like to marry, but I would rather remain single than give up my evenings with Emma and her father.

  Wednesday 20 January

  The new path at the Abbey is proving troublesome. First we could not lay it because of the snow, then because of the flood that followed, and now there is such a thick frost that work cannot go ahead. I would like to have it finished for the spring, and I am chafing at the delay. However, it is only January, and I do
not despair of some milder weather soon.

  Weston called this morning to discuss a matter of business, and as he was leaving he told me that Miss Fairfax had arrived.

  I took the first opportunity to call on Miss Bates, so that I could pay my respects.

  Somehow the Bates's apartment seemed shabbier today than usual, though I could not think why. It was still in the same house, belonging to the same people in business. It still occupied the drawing-room floor. It was still of a moderate size. Mrs Bates was still sitting in the corner with her knitting, and Miss Bates was still ready to make me welcome.

  And then I realized it was because of Miss Fairfax. Whether it was because her presence provided novelty, and therefore made me look at the room anew, or whether it was because everything seemed shabby in comparison with her beauty, I could not say. But shabby it seemed.

  My first impression of Miss Fairfax was very favourable. She was even more beautiful than I remembered her, and I moved forward to greet her.

  'I am very glad to see you in Highbury again, Miss Fairfax,' I said to her.

  'Thank you,' she replied.

  As I saw her in a better light, I noticed she was thin and pale.

  'Your aunt tells me you have been ill?' I remarked, as I took a seat beside her.

  'It is nothing. A cold, that is all,' she said.

  She seemed listless and out of spirits.

  'But you have had it for several months?' I asked.

  'It is hard, over the winter, to rid oneself of a cold,' she said quietly.

  'Now we have her back at Highbury, she will be well again in no time,' said Miss Bates. 'Our good Highbury air will restore her, depend upon it, Mr Knightley. Mr Perry is convinced of it. I spoke to him only this morning. He called to see Jane--so good! So obliging! We are so grateful to him--and he says that now she is back home, she will no doubt recover. Our friends have all been so kind, sending anything they think Jane might enjoy. Only this morning Mr Longridge sent some calves'-foot jelly! Mr Woodhouse has sent us a beautiful piece of pork, and Mr Graham sent some bottled pears. I told him we could not think of taking them, but he said he had had such a glut of pears this year that we would be doing him a kindness in taking them. I am sure we will have her better in no time.'

  I could tell from her expression, though, that she was worried.

  Various remedies were discussed; and then, seeing that Miss Fairfax looked upset at all this talk of her health, I talked about the Abbey, about John, Isabella and the children; in short, anything that I thought would lift her spirits.

  She smiled a little when I spoke of Henry and John skating on the stream, for she met them as very small children, when she visited us two years ago.

  'Oh, yes, Jane was so pleased to hear about the children. We had a visit from Miss Woodhouse, and she was so obliging as to tell us all about them,' said Miss Bates.

  Her remark pleased me. I had been going to call at Hartfield and suggest that Emma visit Miss Fairfax, but I was glad that her own good sense had already prompted her to call.

  I spent a little while longer with the Bateses, then I went on to Hartfield, pleased with my visit. I was eager for Emma's opinion of Miss Fairfax, and I was both surprised and happy to discover that, for once, Emma seemed to be fully aware of Miss Fairfax's merits.

  It made me glad of Emma's friendship with Harriet which has, I believe, served as a useful counterpoint in showing Emma how to value Jane Fairfax.

  'She is certainly handsome; she is better than handsome!' were Emma's first words to me.

  I was very gratified to hear them

  'I had forgotten how elegant Miss Fairfax is,' she went on. 'A very pretty height, and a graceful figure, though I thought she looked a little thin.'

  'So did I!' I joined in, pleased to know that, for once, we thought alike. 'But then, she has been ill.'

  'Yes, so her aunt told me. A cold, I believe. It is strange for a cold to last so long,' she added thoughtfully.

  There was something in her eye as she said it, and I feared mischief, but I found it was nothing worse than a desire to be useful, after all, for Emma continued: 'I do not like to think of her going as a governess, for so much elegance and beauty will be wasted in the schoolroom. It is a pity there is no young man in Highbury who could rescue her from that fate.'

  'Matchmaking again?' I asked her, but I was not displeased. A husband would be the very answer to Miss Fairfax's situation, and relieve her from the unappetizing life before her--a life which, I believe, is troubling Miss Fairfax, and ruining her health.

  Friday 22 January

  Today was busy. I rode over to Kingston this morning and visited the bank, and then visited my tenants. The recent heavy rain had caused damage to the roofs in several of the farm labourers' cottages, and repairs were needed. I have arranged for them to be done as soon as there is a dry spell.

  So busy was I that I was almost late arriving at Graham's. After exchanging civilities, I sat next to Mr and Mrs Cole, and the conversation turned to Jane Fairfax. We all expressed our sympathy for her fate, our concern for her health and our pleasure in having her amongst us once again.

  After dinner, as soon as the ladies had left us, the conversation moved on to business. We spoke of the war, and of Napoleon, and hoped the hostilities would soon be at an end.

  When we rejoined the ladies, Mrs Lovage played and I joined her at the pianoforte. We sang together, and then she relinquished her place to Miss Cox, who played a sonata.

  I returned to the Abbey, and I found an invitation to dinner at Hartfield waiting for me. I was pleased. I wanted to see Emma and Miss Fairfax, and to see how they got on together.

  I cannot marry Miss Fairfax if she does not get on with Emma.

  Saturday 23 January

  I had high hopes of the dinner party at Hartfield, and I was not disappointed. I wished to see a further intimacy developing between Emma and Jane Fairfax, and I was gratified to see that it was so. Emma was polite, Jane was graceful, and they seemed to enjoy each other's company.

  Emma was an excellent hostess. She drew Miss Fairfax out by talking of Miss Fairfax's friend, Miss Campbell, and Miss Campbell's new husband, Mr Dixon. He sounded to be a gentlemanlike man, and it seemed that Miss Campbell had been fortunate in her choice.

  Emma also drew forth some information about Frank Churchill. He was at Weymouth in the autumn, at the same time as Miss Fairfax, and so Miss Fairfax had made his acquaintance. This fact was of great interest to our fellow guests, not all of whom had heard of it, and it made the conversation particularly gratifying to the Westons, who were eager to hear further details about him.

  Miss Fairfax said little, being still in low spirits, but what she said amounted to the fact that he was a very gentlemanlike man with agreeable manners, and was a general favourite.

  I was surprised, but pleased, that Emma did not want to know more about him. She seemed more interested in the Dixons. Indeed, her questions were so pointed that I suspected some mischief but what mischief could there be in her asking about Jane's newly married friend? It was just a woman's curiosity, I suppose, as to how Miss Campbell and Mr Dixon met, and how often Miss Fairfax was with them.

  Thursday 28 January

  January has proved to be busy both for me and for Highbury. I have had a great deal to do at the Abbey, and when I called in on Cole this morning, I heard that Elton was to marry! Cole showed me the letter. It was short and to the point.

  My dear Cole, You must congratulate me. I have been so fortunate as to win the affection of a most beautiful young woman by the name of Augusta Hawkins. She is a goddess! We met quite by chance, and soon afterwards sat next to each other at a dinner party. I was taken with her straight away, but she was so far above me, her sister being married to Mr Suckling of Maple Park, that I hardly dared hope--and yet her looks, her smiles! We met again, and my heart took flight! She is the embodiment of my dreams. My dear Augusta! An heiress, a beauty, and soon to be mine!

  Your frie
nd,

  PE

  Poor Emma! I had better warn her of it, so that she is prepared when it becomes generally spoken of. It will give her a chance to prepare her little friend as well. If it were not for Harriet, I would be glad that this has happened. It will make intercourse between us all much easier, and smooth over any problems that might have arisen. Otherwise, embarrassment and coldness must have been the result of Emma's misunderstanding. But Elton's forthcoming marriage will provide so much to talk about, that the past will be forgotten. Any change in his habits will be attributed to his new situation. He will no longer be expected to dine at Hartfield so much, which will be a blessing both for him and for Emma.

  For Harriet, though, the news must hurt. I comforted myself with the thought that it will hurt her pride only. I do not believe she was ever in love with Elton, or that she would have thought of him at all if Emma had not put the idea into her mind.

  Perhaps now she may be allowed to go back to her own life, and to marry Robert Martin, as she should have done in the first place.

  As for Emma, there will be some humiliation for her, but she will take no lasting harm from it.

  Besides, she has other things to occupy her mind.

  I was pleased to see her being so friendly to Jane Fairfax yesterday. If I do not mistake my guess, the two of them are well on the way to becoming friends, and a far more suitable friendship it will be than the ones Emma has so far indulged in.

  I went round to Hartfield after leaving Cole, to persuade Mr Woodhouse that he really must build a new hen-house, and then I was free to talk to Emma.

  'It was a very pleasant evening yesterday,' I said. 'I think everyone thought so.'

  'Once, I felt the fire rather too much; but then I moved back my chair a little, a very little, and it did not disturb me,' said Mr Woodhouse. 'I like old friends; and Miss Jane Fairfax is a very pretty sort of young lady, a very pretty and a very well-behaved young lady indeed.'

  I was pleased to have the subject of Jane Fairfax introduced, and I could not agree more with Mr Woodhouse. Jane Fairfax is very pretty indeed.

  'You and Miss Fairfax gave us some very good music,' I said to Emma. 'I was glad you made her play so much, for having no instrument at her grandmother's, it must have been a real indulgence.'